


Of Love and Lighthouses

by WhimsicalRealist



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Friends, Fairy Tale Elements, Friends to Lovers, Lighthouses, M/M, Slice of Life, fictional version of a real island in Maine, softest fic I've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 19:14:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12394425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhimsicalRealist/pseuds/WhimsicalRealist
Summary: Armitage grew up on fairy tales of mermaids and the sea surrounding his island home in Maine. But never once in his wildest dreams had he imagined that he would find himself living in one.





	Of Love and Lighthouses

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pandalolli](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandalolli/gifts).



> A surprise birthday present for the dear Pandalolli! She was expecting sin-fic and got this instead XD sorrynotsorry

**** **Winter**   


 

“Stay away from the water’s edge, Armie, there’s bound to be ice on the rocks.”

 

“Yes, mum, I won't get too close. I’ll be home for dinner!”

 

But Amelia smiled knowingly as her son slipped out of the kitchen in his thick wool coat and gloved hands curled around a thermos of last night’s corn chowder, shaking her head. Even in the bitter cold, her little boy would make his daily pilgrimage to the family’s lighthouse that lay perched at the very tip of the coast. At first, she had forbade him to go alone, fearing for his safety. But with time, she had come to trust him to do as she asked and he never wandered down to the waves unless she was with him. His father may have had something to say about these little excursions, but seeing no harm in them, she never breathed a word of it to Brendol whenever he took the time to ring the house. Besides, Armie would likely spend time with his gran, learning how to work the light from the weathered woman who only ever smiled when her little ginger imp came to visit.

 

Wandering down the path of stones that lead away from the little cottage they lived in, Armie carefully stepped around a few patches of ice as he reached the sidewalk and turned toward the sea. A sharp breeze nipped at his nose, turning the tip a rosy red, but it brought a smile to his lips while he watched dry orange and brown leaves dancing away to tumble over the edge of the cliffs. He knew it made his mother worry, but he was almost eleven now---to him, that meant he was practically a teenager and was very much more responsible and mature than the other kids his age. She was right about the ice, of course, so he only glanced longingly toward the little path that wound down to the shore beneath the lighthouse’s cliff. That was the worst part about winter: it kept him away from the water. Snuffling with a forlorn sort of pout at his favorite sitting spot, Armie was just about to begin the trek uphill to see his gran when a strange sound caught his attention. Had that been a _splash_?

 

Despite his clever mind and sense of responsibility, his curiosity was insatiable when it came to the ocean. Armie took a quick peek over his shoulder to be sure he was out of view of their cottage before setting his thermos down against a few rocks and began his slow descent down the muddy, icy path to the shore. As he promised, he wouldn’t get _too_ close to the water itself, but he just _needed_ to know what had just made the splash...maybe it was a seal! Thrilled by the idea of having the chance to see one of the blubbery creatures up close and all to himself, he let himself take the slope at a somewhat controlled skid, hoping he wouldn’t end up all muddy by the time he reached the bottom. Thankfully, he had done this so many times before, Armie knew where the worst spots were and managed to reach the pebbled shore without much muck on his shoes or clothes. The smell of salt on wet stone and pungent fish was particularly strong here, but it was just as welcoming to him as one of his mother’s hugs or a warm sweater fresh from the dryer.

 

Climbing up onto a flat bit of rock that was safely out of the pull of the tide and where he often came to sit and watch the waves, Armie looked down at his feet with a delighted expression when he discovered a fresh puddle there. That must surely mean the seal had been using his rock to jump in from! Rubbing his hands together eagerly, the young boy brought them up to breathe against his palm to warm it, gaze scanning the water for any sign of the creature. After a minute, however, his green eyes widened when he spotted a mop of black curls rise from the foam preceding a worried face of a boy who had to be his age, if not a year or two younger. Even stranger was that Armie had never seen the boy before, and they lived on a fairly small island of no more than 100 or so...was he new to Monhegan? Dark eyes met Armie’s and the other ducked under the water again bashfully, returning uncertainly to the surface moments later, just a bit closer to the shore this time.

 

“Hey!” Armie called, frowning. “What are you doing in the water?!”

 

“Um...swimming?”

 

“Well, _duh_ , I can see that...aren’t you cold?”

 

“No, it feels fine to me, I’m used to it,” the other boy admitted, bobbing in the current effortlessly. “Are you here to go swimming, too?”

 

“What? No way!” Armie blurted. “It’s way too cold for me. Was it you that just jumped in? I heard a splash.”

 

“Uh-huh, I was practicing.”

 

“Practicing? Okay, I guess, but...you’re _sure_ you’re not cold?”

 

“Yeah, I’m okay. Maybe kinda hungry, but not cold.”

 

“Oh! Well, if you wanna, I have some chowder I was bringing to my gran,” Armie offered, smiling. “There’s plenty for all three of us.”

 

“I’m not supposed to...” the other boy said, yet his eyes were bright with an eagerness that belied his protest. “I said I’d practice my swimming at the shore and then come home.”

 

“Well, I told _my_ mum I wouldn’t get too close to the water. And look, I’m not! You can go home after we eat, right? You aren’t breaking your word, just...adding something in the middle, that’s all.”

 

“I...guess that makes sense. What’s...um, what’s chowder, though?”

 

“You’ve never had chowder before?” Armie gasped, looking almost scandalized.

 

“Nu-uh,” the other boy replied, turning pink in the cheeks.

 

“Well then you gotta, it’s really good! C’mon, you can dry off and get dressed, then I’ll take you up to gran’s to eat chowder. You’ll like it, it’s creamy and warm and sweet,” Armie babbled excitedly, but then blinked and remembered his manners. “Oh, and my name’s Armitage, but you can just call me Armie. Now we won’t be strangers.”

 

“I’m...my name is Kylo. You...live in that tower?”

 

“The lighthouse? No, silly, my gran lives in the little house below it and I live just down the street with my mum.”

 

Kylo glanced up toward the lighthouse on the cliff with a thoughtful pout before looking to Armie again and swimming closer to the shore. At that distance, they could each get a better look at one another. Pushing the dark, dripping curls away from his face, Kylo studied his new companion with growing curiosity. He wasn’t used to being shown kindness so openly, especially not by any of the children in town. But this boy---older, but only just---was different. The breeze tugged at Armie’s short, copper-orange hair, reminding Kylo of the fronds of foreign red seaweed swaying in the currents. He floated there for a minute, admiring the constellation of freckles that lay across the other boy’s nose before ducking down suddenly to cool his face off when he realized he’d been staring. Watching Kylo’s bashfulness only made Armie all the more fond of the strange boy, a million questions on the tip of his tongue that he hoped he would get to ask over a warm lunch at gran’s table.

 

“Okay,” Kylo agreed as his head popped back up from the water, a small smile gracing his lips. “I wanna go try chowder.”

 

“Great!” Armie chirped, offering his hand out to help the other boy up out of the water.

 

Anyone who could swim in the icy winter waters was amazing in Armie’s eyes, especially someone younger like Kylo was. The dark-haired boy had large ears and nose, but they weren’t bad, just different. He liked different. The hand that took hold of his was surprisingly warm, Armie opening his mouth to remark upon the fact before his face bloomed into a fiery blush when the other boy stepped up onto the rock.

 

“A-ah, where _did_ you leave your clothes and towel?” he asked, eyes having hastily darted away to scan the dry spots along the shore.

 

“Oh...um, over...there?” Kylo pointed in a vague direction, Armie glancing over at the empty space he had indicated with a perplexed frown.

 

“I don’t see them anywhere, are you _sure_?”

 

“Maybe...maybe when I was swimming, they washed away,” Kylo murmured with a shrug, wringing his hands together anxiously. “I might have...set them too close to the water.”

 

The sadness in Kylo’s voice had Armie turning back to look at him, brows knitting together with sympathy at the poor boy’s plight. Without another thought, he shrugged himself out of his winter coat and offered it to Kylo with a kind smile.

 

“Gran will have some extra things for you to wear, it’s okay. This’ll do for now. I can lend you my socks, too, if your feet are cold?” Armie said with a nod.

 

Wobbling slightly where he stood, Kylo bit his lower lip and shook his head as he awkwardly tried to struggle his way into the coat, at a loss for what to say in the face of the other boy’s charity toward him. Chuckling, Armie reached out and helped him get his arms into the coat and did up the buttons for him, stepping back and offering his hand again toward the younger boy.

 

“Watch your step, okay? The path is a bit muddy, so just hold tight to my hand and don’t let go,” the older boy instructed as Kylo took his hand.

 

“I won’t let go,” Kylo breathed out quietly, giving Armie’s hand a slight squeeze as he let himself be lead up from the shore, casting a worried glance over his shoulder toward the waves.

 

It was _just_ lunch. When he was dressed and full, he could go back home. No harm done.

  
  
  


**Spring**   


 

“Are you _really_ leaving after you graduate?” Kylo asked.

 

Armie chuckled, not having to open his eyes to know that his friend was frowning at him in that kicked-puppy way that had always endeared him to the older teenager.

 

“There’s no college here in town. I don’t exactly have much of a choice, Kylo. You know that.”

 

Ever since that blustery afternoon when they had met on the shore, the two had become near inseparable. Gran had been a bit shocked when her grandson arrived with a thermos of chowder and a wild-haired little boy wearing nothing but Armie’s coat and a curious expression when they stepped into the cottage at the base of the lighthouse. Kylo let the old woman dress him in some of the smallest pants and shirt she had tucked away in the closet and sat quietly at the tiny dining table while Armie poured chowder into three bowls. Gran watched the two boys taking excitedly back and forth, a fond smile touching her lips to see her grandson with a friend at last. When the time came for the boys to leave, she sent them off with a tin of cookies and the washed thermos, watching them from her front step as they wandered off down the path---a bit slow as Kylo navigated along in a pair of boots that were several sizes too big.

 

Boots that Kylo wore now, nine years later, as he sat with Armie under a white pine that overlooked the sea behind their cottage. Well, it was Amelia and Armie’s cottage, _technically_ . But he had spent so much time there instead of with his own family, it was hard not to consider it _his_ home as well. The tree was their favorite spot to sit other than down by the shore, the air smelling of lowtide marshlands some distance away: pungent, but familiar and comforting to them.

 

“Yeah, but you could do classes on your computer,” Kylo grumbled petulantly, picking up a rock from the ground beside himself to hurl over the ledge and down into the sea.

 

“And I looked into that,” Armie sighed, trying to be patient. The subject was a sore one recently as his senior year was winding to a close. “It’s just too expensive, not to mention that some of the courses I need _aren’t_ available online.”

 

“Then can’t you just...I don’t know, slack off? For just a year,” Kylo pressed, gesturing in exasperation. “Get a part time job, save up some money, that kinda shit. No one said you had to jump right into college the second they hand you that diploma.”

 

That first day he met Armie had been a whirlwind of unexpected kindness and charity, and at the time he had thought it would be just a fond, passing memory to look back on. Armie had invited him in to see his room and his prized collection of shells and when the other boy’s mother saw him, she had all but sprung into action. She tried to get Kylo to tell her where he lived, who she could call to pick him up...the questions came so rapid-fire that the poor thing had ended up bawling with big, hot tears rolling down his cheeks. While that memory had faded slightly over time, Kylo could vividly remember how overwhelmed he had felt and it was strikingly familiar to the present anytime the topic of Armie moving away came up.

 

“Why are you making such a big deal about this? I’m not leaving forever,” the older teen snorted, finally opening his eyes as he rolled them, frowning at his friend. “We get a break after each semester and I would come home during those to visit.”

 

“Because I don’t want you to just _visit_ !” Kylo snapped. “ _I don’t want you to leave at all_!”

 

Green eyes widened in surprise at the outburst, but Armie couldn’t seem to get his friend to look at him, the younger teenager drawing his legs up against his chest so he could mash his face into his knees. Obscured by the wild mane of black hair, Kylo took a deep breath and tried to hide his burning eyes, willing away the tightness in his chest. Nine years was a long time to have someone in your life, especially someone as close and important to him as Armie was. He didn’t want to imagine what it would be like now if he was gone. He _couldn’t_.

 

When he had begun to sob in front of his friend’s mom years ago, the embarrassment of it only managed to make him cry _harder_ , little fists furiously trying to rub the tears away. But Kylo had devolved into a hiccuping, runny-nosed mess and poor Amelia had felt so terrible for causing him such distress. Hushing him softly, she instructed her son to take the boy to their hall bathroom and help clean up his face while she would go upstairs and find more suitable clothes for Kylo to wear. Armie nodded and took the other’s hand again, gently tugging him along and had him sit on the lid of the toilet.

 

Kylo could still remember how worried they had both been, could remember how gentle Armie had been as he dabbed away tears and snot with half a box of tissues. Amelia gave him some of the clothes her son had outgrown and even now, he kept them folded up neatly in a box of his things that he kept in their ‘spare’ room...which was _his_ room, as far as all three of them were concerned. A pair of faded blue jeans, soft white socks, a pair of briefs, and a black T-shirt emblazoned with a logo that read ‘STAR WARS’ in bold lettering he was instantly enthralled by. Still snuffling, he had asked what it was and Armie laughed, promising that when he came over again, they could watch the movies together.

 

“He... _can_ come visit me again, right?” an uncertain Armie had asked of his mother, his enthusiasm almost as fragile as Kylo’s in that moment.

 

“Of course! Kylo, you are always, always, _always_ welcome here,” Amelia had promised, earning bright and relieved smiles from both of the boys. “But next time, we’ll be sure your parents know where you’re gonna be. I’ll be sure I give you a note to give them with our number and address when you go home, okay? That way they won’t worry about where you’ve gone to.”

 

“Yes ma’am,” he had replied before Armie had him by the hand again and was whisking him away to go see his seashells.

 

“C’mon, Ky! I gotta show you my collection before dinner!”

  


“Hey...c’mon Ky,” Armie murmured, leaning over to touch Kylo’s shoulder, brows knit with concern. “Look at me. Please.”

 

Even though he really didn’t want to, he had never been able to refuse something when his friend asked. Prying his head up from his knees, the teenager rubbed a hand across his face and scowled at Armie in an attempt to look annoyed rather than genuinely upset. Yet nine years was more than enough time for the other teenager to have learned every ebb and flow of his friend’s emotions and he could read his dark eyes easily.

 

“Is it really bothering you that bad?”

 

“Yeah, I guess...it’s stupid. Sorry,” Kylo tried to huff dismissively, but wilted as Armie glared at him.

 

“Cut the crap. It’s **not** stupid, Kylo. We’ve been friends for _how_ long now?”

 

“Forever, basically?”

 

“Exactly. So, with that in mind: of _anyone_ in the world, there are only four who actually matter to me,” Armie continued, holding up a finger for each name. “You, my mum, my gran, and Phas.”

 

Phasma was Armie’s only other friend and the captain of the school’s hockey team. She took no crap from anyone and always looked out for her friends, which Kylo admired about her.

 

“Phas is pretty cool, yeah, and of course your mum and gran,” Kylo agreed, chuckling dryly. “But, I mean, I’m just... _me_. We’re not family or anything, so I shouldn’t act like---”

 

“You say that like you shouldn’t matter, but you’re my best friend,” Armie cut him off again, leaving Kylo’s heart fluttering unexpectedly in his chest. “That’s not even it, though…”

 

“It isn’t? What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, you practically live with us,” Armie pointed out. “I’ve never even been to _your_ house.”

 

“I’d rather not drag you there, you know that.”

 

“I do. And I know I’ve never met any of _your_ family, but my mum and my gran like you. A whole hell of a lot, I might add. I don’t know much about what you do or where you go when we aren’t together, but I learned to trust that you were okay and that I would see you again soon enough.”

 

“Which I’ve always appreciated, y’know? You and your mom, your gran, even Phas...there’s just a lot I don’t wanna think about, let alone _talk_ about or get you involved in. But you never press it. I know you’re curious, anyone _would_ be, so it means a lot to me that you...I dunno, accept me as is, I guess?”

 

“Well, you’re welcome, but you’re missing my point,” Armie scoffed, a small smile touching his lips as the other teenager turned a bit pink in the cheeks. “You trust me, right?”

 

“Yeah? Like, with my life, if it came to that.”

 

“Don’t be so dramatic. So, just as I trust _you_ to come back from wherever you go, you’ll eventually have to learn to return that favor.”

 

“But this is _different_ , I’m only away for a day or two at most, you’re gonna be gone for _months_ at a time.”

 

“The _scale_ might be different, but it’s the same principal,” Armie sighed, shifting to sit directly shoulder-to-shoulder with Kylo. “I can’t just hang around here, no matter how nice that  sounds. If I wanna get a good job, I’m gonna need to get my degree.”

 

“Yeah, you’re gonna go to school, find out you love the city and then I’ll _never_ see you again,” Kylo grumbled, looking away toward the distant waves and a storm brewing on the horizon that he could feel mirrored in his thoughts.

 

“C’mon, _seriously_? My family is here, I wouldn’t stay away.”

 

“No big-boy jobs here, though, are there? All the money is out there in the mainland, after all,” Kylo grumbled sourly. “You _say_ you won’t stay away, but once you get that dream job, you’ll have responsibilities that’ll keep you busy. You’ll visit as often as you can, sure, but that’ll become less and less often. You’ll get promotions, you’ll take over as boss eventually I’m sure, and then you’ll...I dunno, find someone to settle down with and start a family. Livin’ the dream, or whatever.”

 

“Whoa whoa _whoa_ , **what**?” Armie actually laughed, the bright sound catching Kylo off-guard.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

“Who said I even _wanted_ to start a family?”

 

“I was just saying---”

 

“You’re just saying things out of your ass, is what you’re doing,” Armie snickered. “Look, of _all_ the possible things you could worry about, that’s not one you need to. Like, ever.”

 

“Yeah, okay, sure, whatever. It’s not like it’s any of my business. So, fine, no family. But you’re gonna be tripping over all kinds of girls in school, I’m sure, and---”

 

“Not interested,” Armie stated plainly

 

“And--- wait. What do you mean, ‘not interested’?” Kylo blurted, perplexed.

 

“Do I need to spell it out?”

 

“Well, I mean, maybe? Why wouldn’t you be interested? You’d have the opportunity to date someone who you didn’t grow up around. The pool is pretty shallow here, after all...the mainland is an ocean in comparison.”

 

“I’m sure it is, but honestly, I’ve already got someone. I think so, anyway.”

 

“What, no shit? _Who_? Is it Phas?”

 

“Oh _god_ , no way. No. I love her, but strictly platonically. Also, she has a girlfriend.”

 

“Alright, well, then I’m out of guesses. And I’m a little offended that you haven’t mentioned it before because we’re supposedly best friends?”

 

Armie could have dragged his hand over his face and groaned, but he thought better of it. Instead, he reached over and took hold of Kylo’s chin and turned the other teenager’s head until they were facing one another. Keeping a grip on him, Armie leaned in and---with his heart lodged firmly in his throat---pressed a brief kiss to the corner of the other’s lips.

 

“You’re a bit dense at times, Ky, but it’s part of your charm.”

 

“...oh.”

 

“So, if you factor _that_ into your little equation of panic, do you think you can trust me when I tell you that I’ll _always_ come back home?” Armie asked with a raised brow, cheeks dusted a charming shade of pink beneath his freckles. He looked confident, but his body was tense like a bowstring, waiting...dreading that he had overstepped, that he would be rejected.

 

“With my life,” Kylo replied in a whisper, lips spreading into a broad grin that made Armie’s heart sing with joyous relief. “But, hey, if you wanna give me another one of those to help convince me, I...don’t think I’d mind.”

 

They were still kissing beneath the tree when the storm made land and dumped a sheet of rain right on top of them, the two laughing the whole way with linked hands and mad grins as they ran for shelter.

  
  
  
  
  


**Summer**

  


Waves lapped lazily at their tangled bodies, a picnic they'd brought along sitting largely forgotten on a nearby rock while Kylo loomed over Armie, hair dripping wet with sea-water and his plush lips deliciously salty. As soon as the ferry had shoved off to return the college student to his island, a hunger rose deep within Armie’s very soul that he knew could only be sated by his lover---his boyfriend. He knew without question that Kylo was there, waiting for him on the docks with that very same feeling gnawing away at his insides. The breeze washed over him and the sun warmed his cheeks, leaning over the railing to breathe deep and soak in the embrace of his home. The city had its perks and wasn’t without its own charm, but _god_ ...nothing in the world could _ever_ compare. As they finally approached, it was a show of his self-restraint that Armie remained onboard to disembark properly rather than leaping the side and swimming ashore to be with Kylo even a few moments sooner. But he made damn sure he was the first one down the ramp, managing to keep an even stride only until he spotted the other young man. Heart skipping a beat, he took the rest of the distance at a sprint and threw himself into waiting arms.

 

“I’ve missed you, my razorbill,” Kylo had murmured into the other’s hair, holding him tightly.

 

“We talk almost every day, you’re always so dramatic,” Armie chuckled, yet he still got chills every time he heard the other young man call him _his_.

 

“You love me, still.”

 

“Still and always,” he promised then, and again with breathless adoration on the beach not but an hour later.

 

Up before the sun and anxious, Kylo had spent the morning drinking coffee in the kitchen while he painstakingly prepared them a picnic lunch they could eat by the sea. He wasn’t much of a cook, but he wanted to surprise his boyfriend with what he had been learning from Amelia while Armie had been away at school. Borrowing one of their gran’s wicker baskets, he carefully packed it with a red checkered blanket, plates and silverware, two cans of Moxie they could chill in the wet sand, and containers of some of Armie’s favorites: johnny cakes, corn chowder---a nostalgic dish for them now---and a rhubarb pie he had required a _bit_ of assistance with the day before. All that hard work, but at the sight of ginger-orange hair and bright green eyes, Kylo had very nearly let the basket fall in his eager need to draw Armie against his chest. Even now, it hardly mattered to him as he gently kisses his way into the other’s mouth, their hands linked together beside Armie’s head.

 

There would be time enough later for lunch, after all. Why not indulge in dessert first?

 

“It’s been far too long,” Kylo whined against the other’s lips, earning a chuckle.

 

“So sorry to have starved you, my poor puffin,” Armie teased with a grin, eyes crinkling as he looked up at the younger.

 

“You’re in the same boat, y’know,” Kylo pointed out. “All those late-night calls on Skype...you needed this just as badly as I did.”

 

“Probably moreso,” Armie sighed, squeezing at Kylo’s hands that claimed his own possessively. “Being away from home, away from my family...mum, gran, and you. It’s miserable. I hate it.”

 

“I hate it, too. I hate hearing you sound so sad,” Kylo confessed, dipping down to kiss the other between his brows. “But it isn’t forever, my razorbill. You’ll be done sooner than you realize, I know it. And then? Then we can decide where we want to go. You need only be patient and endure.”

 

“Tell me again,” Armie practically whispered, eyes bright with a sheen of tears at the other’s tenderness. “Why do you call me that?”

 

Kylo grinned and peppered his favorite freckled cheeks with fond little kisses.

 

“I call you my razorbill because you look spectacular in black, spend more time in the water than the land whenever given the chance, and---”

 

“And?” Armie prompted with a huff as Kylo trailed off playfully.

 

“ _And_ ,” Kylo concluded. “Because you chose me to be yours for life.”

 

“Sometimes I question that decision…”

 

“Don’t say such mean things, you know my heart can’t take it.”

 

“Oh, _please_. Spare me,” Armie groaned, rolling his eyes.

 

“And after I made you a spectacular lunch, even...”

 

“So you _claim_ , but I’ve yet to taste a bite of it.”

 

“Want me to let you up so you can?” Kylo asked sweetly, but it was more of a threat at this stage.

 

“Don’t you _dare_ ,” Armie grumbled, face turning a bit pink when his voice cracked with thinly-restrained need.

 

Lifting one set of their linked fingers up from the wet sand, Kylo reverently kissed each of the other’s knuckles, leaving Armie to watch with fearsome affection as he did. It made his heart sing to see his slim fingers woven between Kylo’s stronger ones, fitting neatly together as if they had simply meant to be. Two halves of a clam’s shell, different but made to nest perfectly.

 

Somehow, even as a young boy, Armie had always had a strong feeling that Kylo was supposed to be in his life. Though at first it had just been a deep friendship, things had changed that rainy spring afternoon as they kissed for the first time and were driven home by the storm. Squeezing Kylo’s hand, he remembered how they had spilled into the kitchen, a dripping, laughing mess and with fingers linked inseparably. So caught up in their glee, neither had realized that they weren’t alone. Turning to tug Kylo along so they could go and change into dry clothes, Armie froze in place with a sharp inhale as he spotted his stunned mother. Amelia had just gotten home early from work at the local bed and breakfast with an armful of groceries, eyes blinking at the sight of the two boys. Before Armie could even say a word or even properly register the terror welling in his chest, Kylo took a step forward as if to shield him, trembling slightly but with a set jaw, eyes filled with determination.

 

“Miss Amelia, if you don’t mind...I was kinda hoping it would be okay if I date your son.”

 

A moment passed in silence before she carefully set the groceries on the table and moved across the room, dragging both of her soggy boys into a fierce hug.

 

“Of course,” she had laughed warmly . “Of _course_ it’s okay, Ky, don’t be silly! I want nothing in the world more than for you both to be happy, and my Armie has been nothing _but_ since he met you.”

 

They had remained there like that in kitchen for what felt like hours before she had sent them off to get dried off, wiping tears of relief from her son’s cheeks. By the time they reached Armie’s room, the teenager had collapsed against Kylo’s chest and sobbed quietly, his whole body shaking with relief. Kylo ran a hand over damp copper hair and rocked back and forth slightly, giving soft, hushing noises until Armie was able to calm down again. Some children were not so lucky as to have understanding or supportive family, especially when it came to revealing whom they loved. But they counted their blessings and thrived in the freedom to be together in the knowledge that Amelia was pleased as could be for them. Even gran expressed having known they were together long before they decided it themselves, claiming she was too polite to point out the obvious.

 

It seemed like a lifetime ago now, but less than a year had passed between the spring of new beginnings and the current summer of rekindled fire. So much had happened, had changed, yet some things remained and one of them happened to be Armie’s impatience concerning getting what he wanted.

 

“Enough teasing, Ky,” he murmured, shivering as the latest wave lapped against his sides and back. “I haven’t been waiting months for just pretty words and feathery kisses, nice as they are.”

 

“You’re _so_ romantic, y’know that?” Kylo snickered, eyes hooding at the way Armie practically squirmed beneath him as he pinned the other’s hand down in the sand again. “Maybe I wanna take things slowly.”

 

“We can save slow for another day,” Armie grumbled, straining playfully at his captor’s grip. “You can’t honestly tell me you weren’t ready to have me right then and there on the dock.”

 

“You’re right, I can’t,” he agreed with a low hum, shifting a leg between Armie’s that the other gladly pressed himself against. “For decency’s sake, I resisted the urge and brought you here to enjoy the afternoon together in privacy.”

 

“Unless someone happens along, of course.”

 

“No one knows about this little cove, but if they _do_...well, you seem to have a bit of an exhibisionist streak to you, don’t you?” Kylo reminded him, Armie turning pink all the way to his ears.

 

“That was _one_ time,” Armie protested, sighing softly as he rocked himself against Kylo’s leg.

 

“During senior prom, right under the bleachers,” Kylo hummed at the memory, licking his lips.

 

“How was I supposed to wait? You looked so fucking _good_ in that suit…”

 

“You had _no_ plans of waiting and you know it, Armitage,” laughed the younger as he leaned down to murmur beside his ear. “You had that little bottle of lube hidden in your pocket the whole time.”

 

“Well, if I was gonna do _anything_ reckless, as all teens are expected to their last year of high school, it was then or never. I don’t recall _you_ complaining.”

 

“One of the best nights of my life,” Kylo chuckled, claiming Armie’s lips in a brief kiss.

 

“We were a hot mess at it then.”

 

“Emphasis on the ‘ _hot_ ’.”

 

Moving away---much to Armie’s displeasure---Kylo trailed kisses down along the other’s neck and worked his way to his chest as his hands roamed to the hem of his boyfriend’s briefs. After tugging them down from narrow hips and along slender legs, he tossed them to the pile of their clothes that had been discarded on the checkered blanket and took a long moment to take in the sight of Armie naked in the wet sand.

 

“Beautiful,” Kylo said at last, shifting as if to rise from where he knelt.

 

“Stay,” Armie said, grinning. “I don’t want you going anywhere, not even a few feet away.”

 

“Well, that’s sweet and all, but I kinda need to get---”

 

“No, you don’t.”

 

“---that’s gonna make continuing a _bit_ difficult, Armie,” he protested with a confused expression, brows knit.

 

Reaching out, Armie explained by taking one of Kylo’s hands and brought it down between his own legs, guiding the other’s fingers to press up against him where he would easily be able to feel that he was already quite slick. The younger man turned red, mouth going dry as he rubbed at the ring of muscle to the wonderful sound of Armie’s soft moaning.

 

“You’re such a slut,” Kylo teased with a coy smirk, only sitting up enough to free himself of his own boxers. “How long have you been sitting on _this_ little surprise?”

 

“All day,” Armie murmured, eyeing him hungrily. “I didn’t want to waste any time.”

 

“You never cease to amaze me,” Kylo sighed fondly, scooping his boyfriend up from the sand so he could kneel with his back to the cliffs and positioned Armie over his lap.

 

Greedily wrapping his legs around Kylo’s waist, Armie tangled a hand into the other’s hair while the other splayed between shoulder blades as he finally got what he wanted. Moaning out loudly, he let Kylo guide him down onto his cock, feeling it stretch him slightly despite his preparation and savored the sweet burn as his body had to adjust to the fullness.

 

“You’re so tight, razorbill,” Kylo managed to gasp as he finally bottomed out, pressing a sloppy kiss to the other’s neck. “I’ve missed this.”

 

“Your palm just can’t compare, can it?” Armie teased, panting softly.

 

“Not even when you talk me through it,” Kylo agreed, lifting the other from his lap only just enough to be able to plunge up into him again, taking up a deliriously slow pace. “Not saying I don’t live for hearing you start to break while you’re touching yourself, too, but...yeah, no. Nothing compares.”

 

Teaching Kylo how to use Skype had been one of Armie’s first priorities before leaving for school, wanting to be sure they could easily keep in touch. At first it was just voice chat and instant messaging, but as they grew accustomed to using the program and Armie had a better idea of when he would have his dorm room to himself, the two had taken to the video function for less than appropriate activities. It kept them from utterly losing their minds, sure, but it wasn't the same as being able to actually touch each other. Armie had been certain he would be just fine with the separation, and for the most part he was...but hearing Kylo's voice each evening and the subtle longing in his tone always managed to leave a deep ache in his chest.

 

Waves washed over Kylo’s legs as he rolled himself up into Armie, large hands holding tight to the other’s bony hips, enthralled by the sight before him. It was perfection: a gentle breeze ruffling through amber, sun-kissed hair that almost looked like a halo in the afternoon light, green eyes hidden beneath fair lashes and lips parted slightly as if he were in a trance. Despite having complained about Kylo’s desire for a slow pace, it seemed Armie was perfectly content with it now, now that he finally had the younger right where he wanted him.

 

“I love you, Armie,” Kylo murmured, pressing a kiss to the other’s brow.

 

“I know,” Armie replied, and it brought a brilliantly affectionate smile to his lips when he heard Kylo chuckle in response.

 

Before they got too close to the edge, Armie unwrapped his legs and gave the side of Kylo’s neck a gentle touch, asking without words for a change of position. Whenever they got the chance to have sex on the beach, it always ended the same way---and honestly, it was something that stirred something deep in Kylo’s chest to be part of. Without needing to move much himself, he helped Armie up from his lap so he could turn to face the sea, legs on either side of his boyfriend’s and arms thrown back to tangle his fingers into thick black hair. After guiding himself back inside, Kylo tucked his face into the crook of Armie’s neck and wrapped one arm around to press a hand against his chest, the other sliding down to curl around the other’s neglected cock. There was just something so thrilling about facing the vastness of the ocean as he rode Kylo lazily, head resting against his shoulder as he let himself to get lost in the sensation. They would both definitely need a shower after this picnic, but for the moment, the feel of saltwater drying on his skin and the waves swirling around their legs was all he needed.

 

After so many months apart, it didn’t take long for Armie to break firs. He gasped sharply into a groan as he spilled into Kylo’s waiting fingers, shuddering as his nerves lit up throughout his body and his muscles tightened around the other. A few more good thrusts, and Kylo followed after his boyfriend, moaning appreciatively into Armie’s shoulder as he clutched him close against his chest. Moments later, they were both collapsed in a heap, Kylo unceremoniously dragging the checkered blanket over them so they could relax for a bit without the risk of a passing boat spotting their naked asses on the shore. Not that he would care much if they did, he wouldn’t trade a moment of his time with Armie for anything, willing to risk becoming a public menace if it came to that.

 

“Welcome home,” he hummed, combing his fingers through Armie’s hair as he rested his head on Kylo’s chest.

 

“Mmm, home,” Armie agreed, moving a hand to rest it over the other’s heart, giving a light pat. “Right where I belong.”

 

“Always,” Kylo sighed with a wistful smile, letting his eyes close for just a bit.

 

He had earned a nap, as far as he was concerned, but Armie still managed to beat him to it, somehow.

  


 

**Autumn**

  


Rain pattered against the cottage windows, the only sound for some time now as the two young men somberly moved about, Kylo deferring to Armie wordlessly whenever he wasn’t sure which box to pack something into. Pictures and framed art into one box, throw pillows and crochet blankets into another. Whenever one was filled, it was sealed shut with tape and labeled with a permanent marker. Bedding. Clothes. Donate. Photos. Fragile.

 

_Fragile_. That word certainly resonated with Armie as he looked into one of his gran’s cupboards and found her favorite set of tea cups, a broken sort of smile tugging at his lips.

 

“Remember…” he spoke softly, taking each cup down from their shelf with reverent fingers. “Remember when Gran had us for tea the first time after we met?”

 

“Of course I do,” Kylo replied, pausing from the task of filling a box with cookbooks. “I’d never had hot tea before, but I loved sugar.”

 

“I don’t think she’d ever seen someone put almost an entire bowl’s worth of cubes into their cup at once.”

 

Chuckling, the brief flicker of fond memory passed, carrying with it the note of joy the cups once brought Armie. How he wished he was taking them out to have with their lunch, almost able to hear the kettle whistle from the stove even now...even though he knew that they’d already packed that into a box several hours ago.

 

“Hey, Armie, I think...I think it’s time for a break, yeah?” Kylo offered, crossing from the dining area to lay a hand comfortingly on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Let’s get some fresh air.”

 

“Yeah,” the older sighed, closing his eyes against a wave of pain washing through his chest. “Air sounds good.”

 

Taking the other’s hand, Kylo led the way quietly to the front door, not daring to let his eyes linger on any one spot in the cottage too long for fear of losing his own resolve. Armie needed him right now, needed his strength and support. Stepping out into the brisk autumn air, they sat on the worn stone steps and Kylo urged the other to tuck himself against his side. Exhaustion was etched into Armie’s features, not having slept more than a few hours since his arrival on the ferry two days previous for Gran’s funeral. The woman had passed peacefully in her sleep after nodding off in her rocker, draped in a wool blanket she had made with one of her favorite books open on her lap. Kylo had been the one to find her the next day when he took his lunch break at work to bring a sandwich to her, having intended to share the time telling her about how Armie had just aced his finals. In his numb shock, Kylo wasn’t sure when exactly it happened, but his heart had broken somewhere between calling Amelia from the kitchen phone and later having to break the news to his boyfriend.

 

Composed to the point of stiffness, Armie had made it through comforting his mother and the entirety of the service without shedding a tear. Some might have seen it as cold, but Kylo knew better. Once they had said their goodbyes to the well-wishers, family friends and locals who had come to pay their respects, the two had seen to it that Amelia made it home before going to sit beneath their tree by the sea. Armie finally allowed himself to be weak, falling to pieces in Kylo’s arms as he cried. Gran had been such a grounding, influential part of his life, and the self-imposed guilt of not having gotten to say goodbye was causing him to suffer greatly. School had been so busy, Armie hadn’t had a chance to call her for a week or so...and now she was gone.

 

“Razorbill, shhh, she knew,” Kylo had assured him, rocking Armie gently as he stroked his trembling back. “Gran knew you were doing amazing things and that you loved her very much.”

 

“I know that,” Armie whined helplessly, clinging desperately to the front of the other’s suit. “I know it _logically_ , but my heart doesn’t...I just want to hear her voice one more time. I just want one more hug, one more kiss to my cheek. One more day, just one more _second_! It isn’t fair!”

 

There was nothing Kylo could say to that to ease the hopeless anguish in Armie’s heart, so he held him all the tighter and murmured a mantra of ‘ _I know, I know, I know_ ’ while trying to ignore the burn of his own eyes.

 

Now they sat outside her cottage, practically invaders as they sifted through her possessions---the trappings of her life---and had to decide which items were ‘worthy’ of being kept. Necessary, but it still left a lingering sourness in Kylo’s chest. A metallic click roused him from his thoughts and he caught a whiff of fragrant smoke, glancing down to watch Armie take a long drag from his freshly lit cigarette. He didn’t like that the other had picked up the habit, but given the circumstances, Kylo wouldn’t deny him even the briefest of reliefs from his pain.

 

“It’s still so surreal,” Armie sighed along with an exhale of smoke. “I keep expecting her to call us to lunch.”

 

“She’d beat your ass with her broom if she saw you with that,” Kylo teased, his bruised heart swelling to hear the other laugh softly in return.

 

“Yeah, she would’ve, wouldn’t she? ‘ _Armitage, you nasty sailor, get that out of your mouth this instant or all you’ll have with tea today is soap_ ’!”

 

They both laughed at that, and Armie even smiled, yet neither could deny the slight hollowness to it. As you can smile without it reaching your eyes, you could laugh without the ring of true amusement in the sound. Sobering into companionable silence for a time, it wasn’t until Armie finished his cigarette and stubbed out its ember on the step that he spoke again.

 

“Ky, I have something I’ve been meaning to ask.”

 

“Oh? What’s up?” he replied, a brow raised and an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

 

Armie began to rummage into his jacket’s inner pocket and for a moment, Kylo thought it was simply him looking to light up a second cigarette. Instead, he produced a simple envelope with the words ‘To my Imp’ scrawled across the face in Gran’s handwriting.

 

“I found this tucked into Gran’s bedside table when I was getting the key for the tower,” he explained, still uncomfortable with going through her things. “I think she was planning to give it to me the next time I visited. Winter break, probably, the stationary has a little snowman in the bottom corner and everything.”  
  
“Armie…”

 

Unfolding the letter from within, he rested his head on Kylo’s shoulder and began to read it to him.

 

“ _My dear imp,_

_I know that it isn’t exactly Christmas just yet, but I don’t want to wait so long to give this to you. It’s not quite a present for you, but for our wild-haired Kylo. I have watched you both grow up into such respectable young men and you make me so very proud. But more than just that, I have seen just how much you two love one another. It reminds me so much of how it was between your grandfather and I, God rest his soul. Now, this is by no means me trying to push you into something you aren’t ready for. But I can see just how real this is for you two and nothing would make me happier than to give you the means to take that next step. I hope that the time will come when you can ask, and I hope very much that he says ‘yes’._

_Love, Gran._ ”

 

Kylo sat in shock, having frozen as Armie went on. He watched the other fold the letter up carefully and instead of putting it back in the envelope, Armie turned it upside down and gave it a slight shake over his open hand. After a moment, there was a glint of gold as a worn band fell into Armie’s waiting palm. It was simple enough, but charming: it looked not unlike a braid of rope. Setting both the letter and envelope aside, Armie moved away from Kylo only to take a knee before him.

 

“This...really isn’t how I ever expected asking,” Armie began, giving a weak, apologetic smile. “I always pictured it being something _romantic_. Classic. I also figured you’d be the one to ask, not the other way around. But Gran’s right. Nothing in my life is more real than how I feel for you and...and I can’t face the world without you at my side. I won’t. So...with Gran’s blessing, would you do me the honor of...marrying me, Kylo?”

 

Breath hitching, Kylo couldn’t  help a few tears escaping down his cheeks as he nodded mutely. He had to swallow around a lump in his throat as he watched Armie’s trembling fingers gently slip the ring into place---it fit perfectly.

 

“Now you’re stuck with me forever,” Kylo warned with an affectionate smile, turning his hand this way and that to better look at the band.

 

“I think I can stomach that,” Armie hummed as the other reached out to cup his face, allowing himself to be drawn into a tender kiss.

 

There would be more tears later---when Kylo stopped to see their heights lovingly recorded in pencil on the kitchen doorframe, when Armie sat on the loveseat to flip through one of the photo albums of his grandparents’ lives together, and when they finally went home and Amelia saw the familiar ring on Kylo’s finger---but in that moment, the pain of their loss eased into something beautiful.

 

Armie didn’t worry anymore if Gran had known how much he loved her. Anytime he looked at his fiancé’s hand, it was all the proof he would ever need.

  


 

**Winter**

  


Love and sacrifice often walked hand in hand. Adulthood was a process of learning this, and when Amelia fell ill, Armie withdrew from his classes and came home. She protested, begging him to stay, to continue his education, but he had always been headstrong---like his grandmother. As her health had begun to decline, she just couldn’t keep up with work at the bed and breakfast, and the bills had begun to pile up. Kylo was working full time at one of the diners by the docks, which was a godsend, but it wasn’t enough to cover everything. Being a small town, when Armie began to apply for jobs, it didn’t take long to begin hearing back from various employers. He soon began work at a law firm, utilizing his incomplete degree to help them with organizing casework and handling clients. They were never particularly too busy, so it left him time to pick up occasional shifts at a cafe a few shops down from Kylo’s diner.

 

Between the two of them, they made headway on bringing the household out of the red and made sure that Amelia could focus on recovery. Yet despite the best efforts of her doctors, she began to slip away. During her last few months, she had been admitted to the hospital, sleeping often and rousing when one or both of her boys came to visit. Armie practically lived in the chair at her bedside, leaving only when he absolutely had to for work or to stop by their cottage for a shower. Kylo kept them both fed with meals he brought from the diner, making sure to get Armie to sleep as often as he could.

 

Several days before Christmas, they got the call. Arriving before dawn had fully broken, they were still dressed in t-shirts and sleep pants when they reached her room. Armie sat beside Amelia’s bed and Kylo stood at his side, a hand gripping his shoulder tightly. The talked quietly, telling her about work, things they had been doing around the cottage, and their plans for the wedding: a private affair on the beach beneath the lighthouse. She smiled and agreed that it sounded perfect, reaching up to wipe a tear from Armie’s cheek with her thumb.

 

“I wish I could be there,” she lamented, laying her head back on her pillow.

 

“H-hey, don’t say that, mum,” Armie muttered, sniffling with an empty chuckle. “Who else is gonna walk me down the aisle? I need you.”

 

“Oh sweetie,” Amelia whispered, a deep sorrow in her eyes. “I know. I’m so sorry...I wish I could, with all my heart. But...but things will be okay. You have Kylo. He’ll take care of you, just like you took care of him that afternoon when you found him. Won’t you, Ky?”

 

“O-of course, Amelia, I promise,” Kylo stammered, heart racing in his chest as he could see her begin to fade away.

 

“Good,” she sighed, seeming to relax with relief. “I’m a bit tired...do you mind if I rest my eyes for just a minute?”

 

“Go ahead, mum, we’re right here,” Armie assured her, taking one of her hands in his.

 

“Thank you, sweetie. I love you boys, so so much.”

 

“We love you, too,” Kylo replied, voice strained as he clasped his own hand around hers and Armie’s.

 

“More than anything,” Armie said, trying not to whine as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks.

 

Minutes of silence dragged on, the room heavy with it until Armie gave his mom’s hand a squeeze and received no response in return.

 

“Mum? Did you fall asleep?”

 

Nothing.

 

“ _Mum_?”

 

Trembling, Armie raised his eyes up to Kylo, expression desperate. His gaze begged the other young man to tell him it was just that, that Amelia had fallen asleep and they could go back home to have breakfast. They’d bring her some tea after they’d had a chance to change and talk more when they got back to the hospital. But his fiancé shook his head with a forlorn frown, his own eyes filled with tears. Amelia was gone.

 

“Ky, can...can you please go let the nurses know?” Armie asked, mouth dry and voice barely hiding the depth of his pain.

 

“I...sure, I can do that,” Kylo murmured, letting go of their hands numbly. “I’ll be right back.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Armie held onto her until the nurses came, allowing only the other man to lead him out of the room and onto a bench in the hallway. Kylo pressed a cup of hot coffee into his hands and sat beside him, slumping forward to put his face in his palms.

 

“It’s gonna be okay, Ky,” Armie murmured, taking a tiny sip from the cup. “Just like she said.”

 

“Is it?” the younger asked weakly, giving a wet laugh. “Are _you_?”

 

“For now. At least until we get home.”

 

First Gran, now his mother...the unfortunate side-effect of love was the agony it could leave you in when you lost them. Yet despite the pain, Armie glanced over at Kylo and the golden ring on his finger and smiled softly. It reminded him that it was worth it. No matter the cost, love was always worth it.

 

“I love you, Ky. We’ll make it through this.”

 

“Together.”

 

“Together,” Armie agreed, resting his head on the other’s sturdy shoulder.

 

After settling matters at the hospital, Kylo drove them both home and made the necessary calls to their jobs while Armie shouldered the task of calling family and friends to break the news. It was late afternoon by the time they were able to settle down, laying face-to-face in their shared bed with hands laced together and foreheads touching. Losing Gran had taught them the reality of losing a loved one, but nothing could have prepared them for Amelia’s death. They had both been there with her when she passed, witnesses to her last moments. Their only comfort was that she had been at peace, a soft smile on her lips as she had drifted away knowing that her boys were with her. Armie had run dry of tears when they had collapsed on the bed, his eyes bloodshot, nose red and stuffed up; Kylo was in similar shape.

 

“I wish I could wake up from this,” Armie finally said, barely a whisper. “Just...let it be a bad dream. We’re still asleep and when we get up, mum’ll just be off to work already, but she’ll have left us a fresh pot of coffee and one of her notes.”

 

“Close your eyes, then, Armie,” Kylo urged, knowing his fiance had to be far more tired than he himself felt at the moment. “Let’s try. We’ll take a nap, and maybe...maybe when we wake up, things’ll be just fine. It can’t hurt, right?”

 

“Yeah. Will you hold me?”

 

“Of course. Anything you need.”

 

Sleep came quickly and far more easily than Armie had expected it would. He fell into a dreamless sleep, and when he woke later that evening to the smell of coffee, he leapt from the bed and down the stairs. With a racing heart, he stumbled into the kitchen and very nearly called out for his mother, desperate to believe that it had just been a dream and she was home from her shift. Oh how she would scold them for skipping work to be lazy, but Armie would have been over the moon just to see her face again.

 

Instead, however, he felt his heart sink at the sight of Kylo at the table. Sullen, dark eyes lifted to look at him as he entered, and Armie could tell the moment the other man realized why his fiance looked so crushed to find him in the kitchen. Nothing had changed. Amelia was gone.

 

“Oh...oh, babe, I’m sorry,” Kylo murmured, rising from his seat to close the distance between them, arms wrapping tight around Armie’s shaking body. “I’m so sorry...it’s just me.”

 

“You’re all I have now,” Armie whimpered, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks as he buried his face into the crook of the other’s neck. “Please...don’t ever leave me.”

 

“Never, Armie. I swear it.”

  
  
  


**Spring**

  


Several months passed before the restlessness got the best of both young men, finding themselves feeling haunted in the cottage now that Amelia was gone. It was too much space full of too many memories---some good, some bad---but without her there, it wasn’t _home_. After crunching the numbers, Armie was able to sell the cottage to Phasma and her wife for a reasonable sum and used that money to pay down the last of their debts. What was left over was spent on refurbishing the lighthouse cottage for them to move into. New appliances for the kitchen, a washer and dryer, and he made sure they would have acceptable wireless internet.

 

With the windows open and a delicious breeze coming through off the sea, they had set about unpacking themselves into their new home. Kylo was playing some of his favorite music from a set of speakers in the living room while he set up the television, Armie humming along as he settled his books onto the shelves along with some of Gran’s and his mother’s. Neither had wanted the women to be absent from their lives, but it was time for them to start fresh with a space that was their own. Besides, ever since he was a boy, Armie had wanted to live in the lighthouse, and Kylo loved the ocean just as much as he did. If not more, somehow.

 

One rainy afternoon, Armie looked up from his laptop---he had finally managed to get enrolled in online courses, hoping to complete his degree after all---as he heard Kylo calling out to him from just beyond the door. He’d asked him to run to the store for groceries, but maybe he had forgotten his umbrella and wanted help bringing them in? Shaking his head, Armie set the computer on the coffee table beside his mug of tea and grabbed his jacket from the hook by the door, opening it to tease his fiance about his forgetfulness. But instead he saw Kylo rushing up the stairs with his own jacked bundled around something and wearing a deeply worried expression.

 

“Ky? What is it?”

 

“I just got out of the car when I heard a noise down by the water,” he explained breathlessly, moving past Armie into the kitchen. “C’mon, help me get a look at her, she must have fallen in somehow. She couldn’t swim very well and was crying in the shallows, trying to stay on top of a rock.”

 

Closing the door, Armie followed after the other man toward the table in the kitchen, watching with rapt attention as Kylo unfolded his jacket. Tucked within was a shivering, crying ball of orange fur that instantly melted Armie’s heart and he reached down to pick the kitten up immediately.

 

“God, the poor thing...she’s shaking like a leaf!”

  
“I’ve never heard a real person actually say that phrase…” Kylo snorted with a grin, watching the other cradle the mewing creature against his chest. “Is she okay otherwise?”

 

“Shut up,” Armie grumbled, but as he grabbed a towel from the counter and began drying the kitten off, she began to purr loudly and he swooned. “She’s just fine, as far as I can tell. Just cold and soaked to the bone. I’m glad you heard her over the storm.”

 

“Me too,” Kylo sighed, lighting up to see the kitten butting her head into Armie’s palm, demanding to be pet. “So...what now?”

 

Looking down at the kitten for a long moment, Armie knew exactly what they had to do.

 

“Hate to make you go back out in that mess, but we’re gonna need some kitten food and a litter box. I’ll call the vet and get us an appointment for her tomorrow.”

 

“We’re keeping her?” Kylo asked hopefully, and Armie gave a nod.

 

“She came to us, after all, it wouldn’t be right to send her away. Besides, we sometimes get mice, she might be able to help with that problem.”

 

“You don’t need to make up reasons, Armie, I already love her.”

 

“Good, because I was going to keep her even if you didn’t.”

 

“What should we name her?”

 

A pause, a sad sort of light flickering through his expression as he used a finger to scratch under her chin, her eyes closed as she purred away happily.

 

“What about Millicent? Millie for short,” he said, glancing to Kylo. “Mum’s middle name.”

 

“It’s...perfect. She’d’ve liked that, I think.”

 

Leaning down, Kylo pressed a sweet kiss to Armie’s temple before leaning down to place another on the top of Millie’s head.

 

“I’ll be back soon, I’ll go wipe out the kitten section. We gotta spoil her rotten.”

 

Laughing as Kylo slipped out the front door once more, Armie took the drowsy kitten with him to sit on the couch once more and finish up his current lesson on the laptop. A new home, a fresh start, and now a little kitten they could raise together. It was exactly what they had needed...it seemed the ocean was quite good at delivering to him what he needed most in his life.

 

 

 

**Summer**

 

 

“I can’t believe we’re actually here,” Kylo breathed out, still standing in the center of the elegant bedroom, luggage held in one hand as the other covered his mouth. “Armie, we’re _actually here_.”

 

“An acceptable honeymoon, I hope?” Armie chuckled, moving to one side of the bed to sit down, eyes crinkling with joy at the sight of his husband geeking out.

 

“How can we even afford this?” Kylo breathed, tearing his eyes away from the modern, almost otherworldly interior around them to look at the other man. “The tickets for the parks are expensive enough on their own…”

 

“Don’t worry about that, we’re here to have relax and have a little fun. And,” Armie hummed, fishing the keycard from his pocket that had been assigned to him from the front desk. “I believe this says you’re supposed to be referring to me as ‘General’ now, if you’re wanting us to be in character.”

 

“W-wha...oh, uh, yes, sir,” Kylo blurted, blushing deeply all the way to his ears. “What was mine again?”

 

“You’re a dark Jedi of some kind, I think? Knight Kylo has a nice ring to it,” Armie purred with a wink. “I think our orientation to the Dark Side has some sort of affect on our experience in the park, too.”

  
“This is the best, Armie, but...also horribly nerdy of us,” Kylo laughed, flopping down on his side of the bed with a big, goofy grin. “You realize that, right?”

 

“Of course I do, _I’m_ the one who suggested it. We couldn’t afford coming to Disney World when we were growing up, but when I heard about them opening a Star Wars park, I knew we had to come at least once. What better reason than to celebrate us tying the knot?”

 

“Yeah, but shouldn’t we feel a little bit bad? We left our kid back home. She’s never gonna forgive us.”

 

“If we bring her a toy and some of her favorite treats, I’m sure that Millie will come around,” Armie snorted, laying back to rest his head on Kylo’s stomach. “Well, Knight, how should we spend our first day here?”

 

“The parks don’t open for a few hours, General. You got us here in record time for check-in. Did you wanna unpack?”

 

“ _Ugh_ , I feel like we just got finished packing. The stuff can just sit in the luggage for a bit,” Armie groaned. “I must be getting old, I feel like I just need to take a nap before we’re running around all day.”

 

“Well, we can do that, razorbill,” Kylo hummed, running his fingers into the other man’s soft, orange hair. “Would you like a bath first? We kinda smell like car funk.”

 

“I don’t wanna move. But it does sound nice…”

 

Chuckling, Kylo carefully slid from beneath Armie’s head and rose from the bed, moving to the other side to playfully scoop his husband up into a bridal carry. Bringing him to the bathroom, he sat Armie down on the edge of the counter and stepped between his legs, leaning down to steal a kiss from his lips. It wasn’t often Kylo got to see him like this, but when he did, it made him feel like a teenager again. They had been together for nearly twenty years now, as far as he was concerned, and there wasn’t a feature about Armie that he didn’t like. His hair was beginning to get a little bit grey around his temples, but Kylo had assured him it was only because he was a silver fox and that he found it quite attractive. Age was catching up with them, often subtly, but he could see the drowsiness in the other’s green eyes and knew the trip had actually taken a toll on him. It was a brief, bittersweet moment that Kylo chased away with another kiss before helping Armie pull his shirt up over his head.

 

Reverent fingers danced along the constellations across Armie’s collarbones, trailing kisses as he went, the older man watching through his fair lashes. A fond smile tugged Armie’s lips while Kylo made a show of undressing him, letting himself relax and trust himself to his husband’s hands. Years of practice getting him out of his clothes, but Armie never ceased to marvel at just how _easy_ it seemed to be for Kylo even now. His own fingers were sometimes stiff, aching more in the knuckles than anyone his age ought to, but at least it was manageable for now. They were only a few years apart in age, but Armie supposed that as time went on, that slightest of gaps was becoming even more obvious.

 

Leaving Armie to sit on the counter, Kylo moved to the tub and made sure the stopper was in place before turning on the water. He adjusted it to the perfect temperature and was pleased to see that the basin would be plenty big for them both to relax in. For good measure, he nabbed one of the complimentary bottles of foaming bath gel and dumped a liberal amount into the flowing tap, the room filling with the scent of crisp soap.

 

“You don’t _mind_ , do you?” Armie asked, arms curled loosely over the curve of his stomach.

 

“Mind?” Kylo repeated, looking over to where he had left his husband. “Mind what?”

 

“Taking a bath and napping. Instead of, well... _y’know_.”

 

Armie looked at Kylo with a strained smile, trying his best to appear as if he were amused. But in the wake of the younger man’s excitement the moment they walked into their room, he couldn’t help but to feel guilty. He wanted so badly to just shove Kylo backward onto their bed and ravage him, a thousand different fantasies at his disposal to play out. But his body ached and there was a dull headache threatening to grow from all the coffee he had been drinking during their drive down from Maine. Armie looked up again as Kylo returned to him, melting the moment large hands cupped either side of his face and stroked the curve of his cheekbones with his rough thumbs.

 

“Armie, of course I don’t mind,” Kylo sighed, offering a comforting smile. “We had a long trip getting here, I’m pretty beat, myself. So, as much as I would _love_ jumping your bones, I think I’d rather sit with you in a tub of hot, bubbly water for a bit and relax. We’re here for an entire week, babe, no need to rush.”

 

“You’re right,” Armie agreed, eyes brightening again with affection. “What did I do to deserve the loyalty of such a kind Knight?”

 

“General, you honor me,” Kylo chuckled, plucking Armie from the counter and brought him to the tub. “There is no other I would rather serve, in this or any other universe.”

 

“Careful, Kylo,” Armie warned with a light laugh, letting the other man gently lower him into the water. “I’ll hold you to that, y’know.”

 

“I’m counting on it,” hummed the younger man, undressing himself while Armie slumped down in the water with a pleased sigh.

  


 

**Autumn**

 

 

“Armie, there’s something I need to tell you.”

 

Looking up from his tablet, an orange brow raised at Kylo’s words. Millie lay curled on his lap, the old girl purring away happily as she napped. They had been sitting in companionable quiet in the livingroom, Armie reading through the news while his husband was in the kitchen fixing them each a mug of coffee. Decaf, now, of course. Doctor’s orders, much to Armie’s dismay. He missed when he had worked at that little cafe in town, they had always had the best blend for the chilly autumn months. Shame they had closed, along with the diner that Kylo’s first job had been at. The world was always changing, but it managed to move at a slower pace in such small towns. It just made them all the more obvious when they did occur.

 

“What is it?” Armie hummed, patting the couch beside him as Kylo appeared before him, but he was only carrying one mug.

 

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking…”

 

“How dangerous for you.”

 

“Ha-ha. Shut up, I’m being serious,” Kylo snorted, unable to hide a slight grin at the ribbing. “What I mean is that...well, to be blunt, your health has been getting worse lately.”

 

“It’s part of getting old, Ky, you worry too much.”

 

“It isn’t just that. You and I both know it. And I know neither of us wanna talk about it,” Kylo continued, handing the mug to Armie with a worried frown. “Even though you retired to tend the lighthouse full-time, you’ve been getting worn down really easily by stuff around the house. You’ve been napping a lot, not eating as much...you know I worry for a good reason.”  
  
Armie hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it, because by doing so, it made it real. But there wasn’t much use denying what Kylo said, nor would he be hurtful by trying. Age was one thing, but this was...well, it was terrifyingly familiar. It was the same sort of symptoms his mother had displayed in her last few months with them. Sighing, he looked down into his coffee---perfectly made, Kylo knew by heart how much sugar and cream to add---and frowned.

 

“I was hoping it was just normal aging nonsense,” he muttered, shoulders slumping. “But the doctor has me on half a pharmacy of pills to manage things. There’s not much else I can do about it but hope it isn’t...y’know, what mum had.”

 

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, actually.”

 

Blinking a few times, Armie glanced to Kylo with a confused expression. If this particularly uncomfortable conversation wasn’t what his husband wanted to discuss, what _other_ topic could he possibly have on his chest? Sipping uneasily at his coffee, he set the mug down and stroked a hand over Millie’s back.

 

“Okay, I’m listening.”

 

“Well, it’s more of a---” Kylo began, shrugging with an awkward half-smile. “It’s something I have to show you. But only if you promise not to...well, freak out.”

 

“Why would I freak out?” Armie asked, face scrunched as he tried to make sense of the other man.

 

“Just, _promise_ , okay?”

 

“Alright, I _promise_ I won’t freak out. Now, what do you have to show me?”

 

“It’s outside, down by the water. Do you think you’ll be alright?”

 

“For god’s sake, Ky, it’s barely ten feet from the door,” Armie laughed, earning a grin from his husband. “This better be good, you’re being ridiculous.”

 

“That’ll be for you to decide, razorbill. C’mon, grab your sweater and I’ll take you down to show you,” Kylo hummed, wandering over toward the door.

 

Rolling his eyes, Armie gently lifted a protesting Millie from his lap, setting her down in the warm spot he had just vacated as means of an apology. She huffed at him, but curled herself back up where he lay her, accepting the gesture for now but will the full intention of batting something from the table later as revenge. Smiling down at her, Armie joined Kylo by the door and nabbed his favorite cable-knit sweater from the hook, struggling for a moment to get it on over his head. Satisfied with the warm addition, Kylo opened the door and lead the way down the stairs and to the head of the sloped path that lead down to the shore beneath the lighthouse. Armie wondered idly how many times they had been up and down that path in their lives...and how many more times were left to them now. It was a grim idea, certainly, and one he chased away passionately when he saw how excited Kylo seemed to be, losing years from the lines of his face when he reached for Armie’s hand to hold.

 

No matter how many years had passed, Kylo adored his husband just as much in that moment as he did when they first kissed beneath that pine tree another lifetime ago it seemed. Squeezing his hand, he guided Armie down to the shore, then beyond to a small outcropping that dropped into deeper water below rather than to the pebbled beach they usually spent time on.

 

“Alright, so...this is gonna be a lot easier to explain if I...show you,” Kylo began, clearly nervous. “Remember what you promised?”

 

“Not to freak out. Ky, seriously, there’s nothing you could possibly have to say that would make me freak out,” Armie snorted.

 

“I hope you mean that,” Kylo murmured, lifting the other’s hand so he could kiss the simple gold wedding ring before turning to face the sea.

 

Curiosity warred with worry as silence fell between them, Armie left hugging himself against the damp breeze blowing in over the water, but before he was able to open his mouth to prompt Kylo to continue, the other man began to undress himself. Left in momentary shock, he gave a yelp of surprise as his husband gracefully hopped the ledge and into the waiting ocean below as if the water weren’t freezing cold and the odd conversation barely begun.

 

“Ky! What the hell?” he gasped, peering down after him just in time to see a flash of light somewhere beneath the surface, as if a firework had somehow gone off underwater.

 

When Kylo came back up for air, however, he smiled sheepishly up at Armie with dark-grey eyes and cheeks flecked with silvery fish scales. Sitting down hard, he stared in disbelief at the man before him, pulling himself partway up from the water to rest on arms crossed over the small ledge. A large, finned tail breached the water behind Kylo, swaying lazily and shimmering still in the dull light of the overcast afternoon sun. Wind swept through Kylo’s damp hair, and Armie felt his chest tighten when he noticed that the other man looked far younger now than he did moments ago, memory likening him to closer to his early twenties.

 

“You’re…” Armie breathed, eyes wide with wonder. “I’ve lost my mind.”

 

“No you haven’t, razorbill, I promise,” Kylo chuckled, looking to the other man anxiously. “I’ve just...kept a few things from you over the years.”  
  
“A _few_?”

 

“Well, more than just a few, but only relating to this, I swear.”  
  
“Kylo, that’s still a _lot_ , connected or not. You’re...this is real? This is really happening right now?”

 

“Yes, Armie, and you promised you wouldn’t freak out.”

 

“Freak out? Oh no, no, we’ve moved _well_ enough beyond that point that I’m actually quite calm right now,” Armie informed him, heart racing in his chest as he couldn’t stop staring at Kylo’s dripping tail behind him. “You’re a fish.”

 

“Er, well, no...not a fish. I think we’re usually called merfolk,” Kylo huffed, cheeking going a bit pink.

 

“You’ve got a tail and scales like a salmon, though.Right down to the black speckles...it’s quite uncanny.”

 

“C’mon, Armie, don’t tease...I wanna talk about this properly.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” he sighed, tugging off his shoes and socks. “Why don’t you start from the beginning, when we met.”

 

Kylo shifted and gave a nod, watching the other man roll his pants up slowly until he was able to slip his bare legs into the water beside the merman, looking relieved by the familiar tug of the current. It helped to settled Armie’s frayed nerves, handling the impossible situation quite well, quite frankly.

 

“The day we met, I was practicing using human legs,” Kylo began, swaying in the water with a fond smile at the memory. “Some merfolk can’t split their tail, some never try. But for as long as I could remember, I wanted to explore what lay outside of the ocean. So I would come to the shore to practice sometimes. Never the same place twice, though, just in case I was spotted, and my mother especially forbade me from going near the lighthouse.”

 

“Clearly you obeyed,” Armie scoffed, a thin smile tugging at his lips.

 

“Clearly,” Kylo agreed. “You spotted me and I just about died on the spot, but...well, you were the first human I got to see up close and you were kind to me. Your hair was bright like the lighthouse and when you asked if I wanted to come have lunch with you, I knew I couldn’t go back home without spending the day as a human with you. At first, I figured it would just be a fun day and then I’d go home and never see you again, but--- well, you know how that went.”

 

“Of course, you basically adopted yourself into my family. Family... _oh god_ , so _that’s_ why I’ve never met any of yours!”

 

“Yeah, that would’ve been a _bit_ difficult…”

 

“And those periods of time when you’d ‘vanish’ for a day or two,” Armie realized, frowning. “It was to go home, to your real family.”

 

Kylo flinched and shook his head, reaching a hand out to lay over the back of his husband’s, giving it a gentle squeeze.

 

“Armie, you _are_ my real family. You and Gran and Amelia. The family I chose, the family that took me in when I had nothing to offer and accepted me, flaws and all. Nothing will ever change that.”

  
                                               


A sadness settled into Armie’s expression as a new ache made itself home in his chest, looking to this impossible being before him and feeling the weight of three decades worth of memory pressing down on him. In their youth, there had been many of these ‘missing days’ when Kylo hadn’t been around, but after Armie had graduated from college, he couldn’t recall a single one since.

 

“All this time,” he breathed at last, green eyes dim with guilt. “You’ve given this up for so long, just because of _me_?”

 

“I wanted to be with you, Armie, more than anything else in the world,” Kylo protested, squeezing the other’s hand again firmly. “I wanted a life with you, on land. No one forced me to do anything. Going back to my mother and father...it just made things complicated. They didn’t want me to see you, told me it was too dangerous. Anytime I would tell them about all the fun we were having and all the things I had learned, they were never happy. And I couldn’t stand it. That disappointment in their eyes...so I left home and committed to my life with you.”

 

“Don’t you miss it, though? The freedom of the sea?”

 

“Sometimes I do, but then I wake in the early morning before you and watch you sleeping against me,” Kylo replied softly. “It’s all I need to chase the call away. What could the sea offer me when I’ve married the sun?”

 

Tears prickled at Armie’s eyes, but he reached out with his free hand to touch Kylo’s cheek, a thumb brushing experimentally over the scales he found there. It was a lot to take in, but he appreciated Kylo accompanying his explanation with a visual aid: Armie wasn’t so sure he wouldn’t have thought his husband mad if he’d just said it outright in the living room over coffee. But what did this mean for their future? Clearly there was a difference in their aging patterns…

 

“You look so young again, Ky...I can scarcely believe it’s you.”

 

“We don’t age as quickly as you do,” Kylo confirmed, leaning his head into Armie’s hand. “So I had to make myself look older as time went on or you’d have noticed something was...off.”

 

“This is a bit of a bitter pill to swallow, I’m not gonna lie,” Armie sighed. “Here I am, slowing down and getting old...but you’re still vibrant. What happens now?”

 

“That’s part of why I wanted to bring you here, Armie. Not just to show you what I am, but...to offer you something.”  
  
“You’re not going to drag me in and drown me, are you? That would be a terribly long investment for a siren, you realize…”

 

“C’mon, you know I can’t sing.”

 

“Ah yes, fair point. Carry on, you were saying?”

 

“We’ve had a pretty good life here together, I’d say,” Kylo began, humming as the other resumed stroking his cheek. “We’ve done a lot, seen a lot. But...your light is dimming. I don’t know how much longer you have, but I’m not willing to risk losing you. I want you all to myself for many more years, so I made a plan. It’s finally ready, but it’s up to you if you accept it or not.”

 

Leaning forward some as he listened, Armie couldn’t help but to be curious to hear what Kylo had come up with. When the younger man talked with such enthusiasm and excitement, it was hard not to be hopeful again for the first time in a while.

 

“My kind have a particular ritual. Considering your crash-introduction to merfolk, we can move past the idea of the mystical being factual and get right to the explanation,” Kylo continued. “Once a year, I’ve been able to harvest one of the black scales from base of my spine. It’s called a root scale and carries potent magic. I’ve collected thirty-three of them now, one for each vertebrae in a human spine.”

 

“Oddly specific.”

 

“Well, because the ritual is specifically for turning a human into merfolk.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I didn’t want to take you away to sea before you were ready, after all, and the ritual requires so many scales as a means of deterring every love-sick mermaid or merman from turning any pretty human they find into one of us too easily,” Kylo chuckled as he explained further. “Thirty-three years is a long time to think something like that over. I decided long ago, but wanted to wait and give us the chance to live a good life together here on land.”

 

“You want me to join you in the sea.”  
  
Pushing himself up on his hands and lifting partway from the water, Kylo rose to press a tender kiss to Armie’s lips before plunking back down with a chuckle.

 

“What do you say, razorbill? Will you be mine for another lifetime longer?”

 

“Well, you swore you’d never leave me, didn’t you?” Armie asked, eyes sparking to life once again as he grinned. “I’m not selfish enough to pull you into my early grave, if that’s where I’m headed...so, the obvious choice is for me to follow _you_ , instead.”

 

“Then that just leaves _one_ last thing to consider.”  
  
“And what’s that?”

 

“Well, obviously we’re not leaving Millie behind, so...do you think she’d enjoy being a shark?”

 

Armie blinked for a moment before bursting into brilliant laughter, a few tears sneaking down his cheeks as relief and affection washed over his tired, anxious mind like a balm. Maybe this was a dream, but hopefully not one he would wake from if it was. Perhaps he was greedy, to take this deal from his fish-husband and swim far away from the swing of the reaper’s scythe...but as Kylo laughed with him, Armie couldn’t find it in himself to feel guilty for it.

  
  
  


**Winter**

 

 

The lighthouse is empty now, the cottage lovingly converted into a small museum for the island’s history. Sometimes they get a few curious tourists, but traffic is slow this time of year. Icy waters and cutting winds don’t make for the best exploration conditions, after all.

 

Locals will tell you, though, that there used to be a man who lived in the lighthouse. It had been in his family for generations, and he was the last of the keepers. The gossip of the town was that he ran away to the city with his husband, but left everything they had behind, as if they vanished in the night. The property was left to the public and their effects bequeathed to a mutual friend who still lived on the island.

 

Yet, go to the cottage at the base of the hill the lighthouse is perched upon and give a knock, ask for Phasma. She’ll invite you in for a cup of tea and will tell you anything you’d like to know about the man who lived in the lighthouse. Should you ask what happened to him, however, she will give you a knowing sort of smile and tell you this:

 

“My dear friend was stolen away by the sea years before he disappeared. But where did he go? Home, dear. My friend went home.”

**Author's Note:**

> A special thanks to PangolinPirate (who also did the absolutely fantastic art toward the end) and zannarl20 for their feedback while I was writing this!!


End file.
